Diagnostic Lab: Results are out and you have failed without doubt

Let me apologise at the outset for writing a story on health report during the festive time and that also just a day before Dussehra. Dr. Lal Path Labs, Thyrocare Labs, SRL Diagnostic Lab and the names go on. The more the sweet shops in your neighbourhood, the more is the need for such diagnostic labs. These diagnostic labs have not only made people more health-conscious but also have made them partial doctors. So this festive the more sweets you consume, the more business you generate for the labs.

There was a time when we used to rote abbreviations of all UN bodies for our GK paper-like WHO, WWF, UNICEF, etc. The task was not easy as it took efforts. But these days no need to rote as we remember all the diagnostic terms by heart. We know terms like HbA1c, Fasting Blood Sugar, Total Cholesterol, HDL, LDL, SGPT by heart.

The day for the Diagnostic Lab test

Remember the day when you went for your first job interview. You got dressed up properly and left home early. At the interview, you presented the best side of yourself in front of the interviewers. A day when you remembered all your etiquette and manners.

Similarly, the day you make a booking with the diagnostic lab you start getting ready for the D-day 3 days in advance. The breakfast menu only includes poha and oats. Poori and parantha are a total no-no. Your will-power is at its peak. Rasgulla and Gulab Jamun’s are easily ignored. The office team is going for a drinks session in the evening and it’s the first time you have refused to be a part of the group saying you have urgent work at home. After all, you are only focused on one thing – the blood test. And you have to present your best side.

A day before the blood test you have a light dinner and go to bed early. You and your body are completely in sync to pass the blood test report. The next morning you are on a fast till the guy from the diagnostic lab comes and takes your blood. The blood donated by you is not for the benefit of the society but for your own benefit. As soon as the guy leaves with the blood sample and the payment, you heave a sigh of relief! You take a deep breath out! The feeling is that of a person who tucks in his tummy in front of a young beauty and the moment she is out of sight, allows the belly bag to return to its original shape.

The Day the Diagnostic Lab mails you the report

These days the test reports are very similar to the do-it-yourself exercise. I will call it Read-it-yourself-and-analyse. The range for all parameters like Hemoglobin, RBC count, Total Cholesterol, HDL, LDL, Blood sugar fasting, etc are given in the side column. You just need to compare your readings with the range mentioned by the lab.

When you pass

If the findings are within the range then voila! You are a winner until the next report after 3 months. Swiggy comes to your rescue and you order jalebis and rasgulla. Dinner has a lavish menu of butter nan and dal makhni. The report is not only presented but discussed in-depth with your family members and friends. Suddenly you become the Master of the Universe telling others how to watch their diet and the benefits of walking every day.

When you fail

People who go for these diagnostic tests regularly are people who are reaching half-way mark in their life cycle. They are close to fifties or are crossing it. The chances of their failing on one or more parameters are quite high.

Sugar is high

The 2 most dangerous parameters on which people tend to fail are sugar and cholesterol. If you cross the 3 months sugar limit of 6% then it seems you are doomed. Suddenly you are on everybody’s radar. It seems that your position has been locked on enemy radar and you are under heavy fire from the missiles launched from all corners. On one hand, your wife starts preparing a diet chart for you on what all to have from the next day, right from breakfast to dinner. On the other hand, the friendly faces of your kids suddenly become less un-friendly. The kids start a non-cooperation movement supporting the agenda launched by their mom against you.

Now that Theobroma brownies and the boondi ka laddoo are out of your reach. You have been advised by your doctor to avoid liquor for some time and that is what is pinching you the most. All those stocked black label bottles are staring at you as if they have lost their partner.

Cholesterol is high

Debates over whether cholesterol is good for the heart or not continue in the media. A lot of research reports emerging from the US universities keep proving that there is no direct link between heart and cholesterol. But this is media and in India media is not to be taken seriously.

Read a report on whether cholesterol is linked to heart attacks or not:

https://medicalxpress.com/news/2018-10-ldl-cholesterol-heart-disease.html

Cholesterol is something that affects your heart. If your blood cholesterol level is high then you run the risk of cardiovascular disease.  Once the report declares that your cholesterol is high and the ratio of good versus bad cholesterol is in the danger level you have to start taking a lot of precautions. Avoiding oily food to regular exercise is something that even a half-doctor in your friend and the family circle will suggest to you.

Symptoms in your neighbourhood proving your friend has not cleared the tests

If one fine morning you notice the following activities in your neighbour’s home, you can easily guess that your friend has not cleared his blood test report . He has a high cholesterol or his sugar levels are increased.

You meet your neighbourhood friend during an early morning walk. You are slightly surprised as he normally is a late riser.

Neighbour borrows your cycle pump to pump his flat tyre. He is seen cleaning his bicycle which has been gathering dust for the last 8 months.

Your friend is checking with you which gym membership to take and which is the best.

You have gone to the grocery shop in the morning to get bread and milk and meet your neighbour who is buying oats and cornflakes.

The home delivery chemist shop boy rings your bell and handover the cholesterol medicine packet to you which you have not ordered. You check the address and realise it has been ordered by your neighbour and redirect the chemist boy to his house.

I recently went for my tests from a well known diagnostic lab. I have passed the exams by more than 95% except for Vitamin D. Hopefully with some vitamin supplements and with winters in sight, I will be able to soak a lot of it in the sunlight.

So before your fire alarm rings on the burning of cholesterol, i will recommend that go and get your tests done as soon as possible.

Read more such posts on fun and humour on my blog. Click on the link below:

The Indian Tea: A beverage popular with all ages

The Maid of the House controlling the broom

Suggestion:

Please do consult your doctor once you get your blood test report. He is the only one who can give you the best advice.