The home surveillance drone that keeps an eye on husbands

Ever since Russia attacked Ukraine our vocabulary of missiles and drones has increased like hell.  Russia is using Kamikaze drones to destroy Ukraine’s energy infrastructure crippling its economy.  The Iranian-made Shahed -136 loitering munition has killed and injured thousands of people. It has also damaged 40% of its energy infrastructure. A loitering munition is an aerial weapon system category in which the munition loiters around the target area for some time and attacks once the target is located.

Ukraine’s defense has been bolstered by the High Mobility Artillery Rocket Systems also called HIMARS supplied by the USA. Its army is also using the M270 Multiple Launch Rockets System (MLRS) supplied by Europe. The Russian missiles and the Kamikaze drones are facing a lot of casualties because of them. Ukraine has shot down nearly 80% of the incoming Russian drones.

But this story is not about the Ukraine-Russia war but the war at home that takes place due to the home surveillance drones.

Husbands are under constant watch by the home surveillance drone

In a married couple’s life husbands are always under constant observation. Every action of theirs is monitored by a home surveillance drone called SPOUSE (Strategic Partner at HOUSE). The moment a husband disobeys a particular instruction the kamikaze drone fires a verbal spat making the target nervous.

This home surveillance drone uses facial recognition technology to find out if the husband is lying about a particular thing. The drone also comes packed with the latest feature called Sixth Sense. This feature forewarns the spouse if the husband is going to commit a blunder in near future. The moment the sixth sense sensor rings an alarm the spouse immediately fires a missile. With the sixth sense, sensor a wife can find out if the husband is eyeing new prey or enjoying a party at a bar with friends under the disguise of office work.

The home surveillance drone is loaded with missiles for different situations: the Angry bird missile, the Sarcasm tweet missile, the Go-quiet missile, the non-tolerance missile, and last but not least the tear gas missile.

When the homes surveillance drone fires the angry bird missile

As married life progresses the angry bird missile fired by the home surveillance drone becomes sharper. The drone fires the missile at the drop of a hat. Leaving the bathroom in a mess or reaching home late from the office triggers the anger missile. Not giving a helping hand in the kitchen or ignoring the spouse at a social gathering are situations that create heat waves leading to the drone firing the missile.

But over time the target has also developed techniques to duck the anger missiles launched by the home surveillance drone. Before leaving for a social gathering the husband praises the spouse on how beautiful she is looking in the new dress. If he is coming late from the office quite regularly then he plans a movie with the spouse on a weekend or a family dinner at a fine-dine restaurant. When it comes to helping with household chores, he offers to wash plates and clear the dining table. This is a skill he learned during the covid days.

The Sarcasm tweet missile

This is a single-shot missile. It is easy to carry and can be fired from land, air, or sea.  It has limited firepower but leaves a deep impact on the target.  A sarcasm missile becomes even more lethal when fired with a smile as it leaves the target completely flabbergasted. The spouse can fire a sarcastic tweet missile on the husband on a variety of subjects. The favourite subject happens to be the in-laws.  Mother-in-law to sister-in-law is the primary target for the sarcasm.

If the husband tells the wife at the dining table that the chicken curry is not as spicy as he likes he gets a curt reply. Why don’t you ask your mom to come and cook for you? On the other hand, if the husband is coming late from the office quite often, he is welcomed with a sarcastic smile (missile). “Seems there is a beautiful new face in your office who needs a lot of tutoring”. And the missile creates the desired impact.

The Go-quiet missile

As the name indicates this is a silent killer missile launched by the home surveillance drone. The target is caught unaware as the missile doesn’t show on his radar. The Go-quiet situation happens at home when the husband keeps ignoring a spouse’s request. It ultimately affects the ego of the spouse and she goes into nirvana refusing to answer any of the husband’s questions. Husbands who are generally bad in reading situations realise that the spouse is not speaking with him only after 24 hours.

Once the husband realises that he is under an attack of a go-quiet missile he tries his level best to wriggle out of the situation. However, to find a solution (call it a bunker) he first has to understand which switch he pressed that triggered the launch of this self-destructive missile. He uses kids at home as protective armor to soften the attack. Finally, the daughter informs him why mom is upset and why she is not speaking to him. The situations that trigger such an attack ranges from not accompanying his spouse to visit her parents or forgetting to wish her birthday or reaching late for a party and so on.

The Non-tolerance missile

This is a missile with limited range but fired in multiple rounds. There are clear-cut boundaries defined between the target and the attacker. The moment one tries to overstep and cross into another’s territory the non-tolerance missiles get activated. Open criticism of either spouse’s family is the biggest non-tolerant zone. Though I will say that husbands are more tolerant on this subject and accept criticism of their parents by wives with a more open heart. On the other hand, the same is not the case with wives. Husbands can’t even think of criticising wife’s parents at all.

There are other zones where husbands can’t even think of trespassing. From criticising food made by his wife to tell her that she needs to organize her wardrobe as it is overflowing with clothes that she hasn’t worn in years.

The tear-gas missile fired by the home surveillance drone

The Russia-Ukraine war is keeping the entire world on its toes. The West is watching with fingers crossed if Russia will press the nuclear button or not.  In any war, the nuclear option is the last resort. The world is scared that if Russia is put on the back foot by the Ukraine forces, then the Russian President may resort to a nuclear attack.

Similarly, when all attacks by the home surveillance drone fail then as a last resort it uses the tear-gas missile. This is a very potent missile and has an effect of a nuclear missile. It can be called a weapon of mass destruction and delivers 100% results. Once fired the target is left with no choice but to surrender. The spouse uses it to get her wish fulfilled however illogical it may sound to the husband.

The situations a wife uses are more emotionally linked to the heart. If a daughter is in a relationship that the dad is not approving then the wife uses the tear-gas missile to get her daughter’s wish fulfilled. Similarly, if the son wants to become a chef rather than an engineer and the dad is not happy about it then the mother resorts to the nuclear option and clears the path for his son. The dad reluctantly agrees though not convinced about the son’s choice.

Nobody knows whether Ukraine or Russia will win the war but at home, there is only one clear winner. And everybody knows it.

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