The Grandparents and their walking stick standing in a corner

Children, parents and the grandparents is what makes a family complete. Every member is important and the journey of life takes each one of us through different phases of life – Childhood, Adulthood and Old Age.

The journey accelerates the fastest during childhood as you don’t carry any baggage and the path in front of you is clear of any obstacles. Then comes adulthood when the journey slows down as you have to shoulder a lot of responsibilities. You try to accelerate but the heavy baggage doesn’t allow you to. Once you fulfill the responsibilities and lighten your baggage, you start enjoying life. By the time you reach the last leg i.e. Old Age, your journey slows down due to the wear and tear of life.

Old Age is when one needs a lot of care to carry on in life and this is where the family members come into the picture. Sons and daughters become the walking stick of the grandparents while the grandkids act as torch lighting up their life. The role of each person in the family is important to help the grandparents live their life whole-heartedly.

Senior living, a new concept is fast catching in India. It is residential scheme for senior citizen and can be very helpful for Grandparents whose kids and their families are based in a foreign land. Antara is one of them. Learn more about Antara by clicking on the link:

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The Grandparents need company

As you age the body and mind slows down and one is not so agile. One is slow to react and takes time to understand. This is a point when the family starts drifting slowly not on purpose but due to their over-commitments in life. Son is busy in his job while the daughter-in-law is busy with her daily household chores. Grandkids are busy in their studies and daughters are busy in their married life. It seems that nobody has time for them.

If there is a social gathering of friends or family at home, there is a tendency amongst family members to keep the parent’s room closed. They do it out of sheer respect to save them from the agony of noisy music. Also in a society like ours people avoid taking drinks in front of elders. Dinner is served to them in their room instead of the dining room and they are asked to keep the TV volume low.

How about a change? What if we ask our parents to be a part of the gathering at least for some time? Friends can share a glass of drink with father while mother can do a little bit of gossip with the lady guests. Once the party warms up, you can ask your kids to give company to grandparents in their room for dinner. Their loneliness quotient and the loneliness feeling would evaporate in minutes.

The Dada Dadi’s room is calling you

A typical Grandparent’s room doesn’t look the tidiest but definitely gives a coziness feeling. There is a double bed with two side tables, a study table, and 2 big Godrej Almirahs. The side-table on Grandfather’s side carries a big alarm clock, a medicine box and the day’s newspaper crushed and folded. Beneath the newspaper are some old bank statements and passbooks of 4 different banks.

The Grandmother’s side table carries a water jug and glass, a medicine box and her spectacle cover. Instead of the alarm clock, there is a photo frame carrying a picture of the entire family in one frame. The picture probably was shot a decade back. The members in the frame have dispersed and it is virtually impossible to get them back in one frame. Every night when the Grandmother retires to bed she just dreams to see a part-2 of the photo frame with all the members again in one frame. After all differences and egos are not bigger than human beings.

Television kills the sound of loneliness

The television kept on the study table either shows a news channel or a Pakistani soap but runs 24/7. The volume is always high and the remote has the habit of walking on its own and disappearing at regular intervals. The bed cover is wrinkled and probably gets a makeover once a week. The maid supposed to dust the room daily knows that it is easy to fool people in that age group. The books and the family albums lying on the study table are covered in dust.

How about a change? What if we ask our kids to visit their room every day? We can assign duties to each family member. Father’s job is to spend at least half-n-hour every day with them just discussing what happened in the office or which college he is planning to send the kids. The mother’s (daughter-in-law) job is to see that the maid has done her job properly. The room has been dusted properly and the bed looks fresh every day. Once a week, the grandparents are treated to their cheat food. Grandfather gets his favourite mutton curry and rice while grandmother gets treated to her parantha and palak paneer.

The Grandparents need to spend time with their grandkids

The lifeline of grandparents are grandkids. The more they see them the more there life expectancy goes up. I remember when my daughter was born, it was peak winters of 1993. My dad would ask my wife to wrap her in all the woolen clothing with a shawl and cap. He would then take her out in a pram. That was the biggest reward for him.  4 years later when my son was born, the neighbours started recognising me as the one whose father was seen walking every day with his grandson on his shoulders.

Imagine the day the lifelines of grandparents drift apart not because they don’t love their grandparents but because they get busy with their routines.

How about a change? What if we ask our kids to help them on a daily basis? The grandson can teach his dada (grandfather) about the features in his new i-phone- XI which his bua (Aunt) has sent from the US. The granddaughter requests dadi if she can help her select a dress for school annual function.

Once in a while, the grandparents may ask their grandkids to help them with a particular app on the mobile phone. They are unable to post a picture on FB or comment on a picture of their granddaughter picture posted by their daughter from the US.  Being tech-savvy the grandkids can help them out. Grandpa may ask for a new shoe for walking or grandma may ask for a new agarbatti pack for her mandir. Grandkids can order them online.

Remember what the grandparents need

They need your time and not expensive gifts. They need your company and not a lonely bedroom. And last but not least they need you and not your picture in a frame.

I lost my dad 3 years back. After he left, his walking stick used to stand in a corner of his bedroom as if waiting for his master to return. We all have to realise that till they are alive we are their walking stick. So don’t take away this stick from them. Because once they are gone the only thing they will leave behind is their walking stick.

Read more such stories on my blog. Click on the link below:

The Journey of Life with parents by your side

The Great Expectations: falling in love with childhood once again

My Papa is the best and will always remain the best