Mom and Dad, you will always stay alive in my heart

In the journey of life there comes a time when you lose one or both your parents. Life from that moment changes forever. You miss the comforting shoulder of your mom and the warmth of your dad’s hug. And if you get entangled in a web of deceit or in a strained relationship you just wish if mom and dad were there.

When we were kids, we never understood the true meaning of the word problem. The reason being that mom and dad never allowed problems to touch our life. It was not that we were completely free from the world of stress. Whatever stress we had was limited to studies or peer circle pressure and so on. Real-life stress never touched our life. But as life moved on, one had to climb uphill to cross a mountain of problems before reaching the destination. And at every step, we remembered mom and dad hoping they were there to give us a little push.

I lost my dad some five years back. Life was not easy after his passing as suddenly I found myself in the head of the family position. The task that always seemed easy from the other side was not that easy after all. The routine tasks like managing monthly groceries or paying utility bills were the easier ones to perform. But the one that involved speaking to the parents of my would-be son-in-law some three years back was not that easy. I missed my dad so much then that it is difficult to express.

Missing mom and dad whenever relationships are under strain

The fun of having an extended family is something to cherish forever. But it has its pitfalls. Pleasing everybody and keeping them happy in the family is never an easy task. And whenever a relationship with siblings or cousins comes under strain, the first thing you remember is mom and dad. They were the ones who would resolve the issues with a simple counseling.

Mom was a peace broker while dad was the one who would call for a peace summit. They both acted as a team. Dad would invite the entire family including the warring factions for a cocktail dinner at home. Mom on the other hand, would cook everybody’s favorite dishes. As gents got busy with their cocktails, mom would invite the two parties from the warring factions in her room. She would listen to both the sides patiently and come out with a solution. Under the family law if the younger one was at fault he or she had to apologize to the elder. And, if the elder was at fault, then he or she had to hug the younger one and make up for his fault.

Families that have lost both their parents have lost the advantage of peace brokers. If there are differences between a younger and an elder brother, the cold war continues. And with no one, to broker peace, it may carry on indefinitely. The bruised ego of both the brothers may further prolong the war. Similarly, if  there was a misunderstanding between cousins in a family it was mom who would initiate a peace talk. In absence of mom sorting out the differences between two non-speaking parties becomes a bit challenging.

For mom and dad family comes first

Till mom and dad were alive, every invitation card whether for a wedding or a family function would be addressed to them. A wedding card would arrive by post addressed to mom and dad. If there was a family function, the host would call and speak to both inviting them personally for the event. Their name on the invitation card was enough for the entire family to start preparations. Accompanying mom and dad for a cousin’s wedding or the ring ceremony of dad’s best friend’s daughter was sheer nostalgia. Ever since both have left the names on the wedding card have changed to your and your spouse’s name.

Dad’s leaving left a big vacuum in my life. His entire friend circle who happened to be our favorite childhood uncles and aunts disappeared from our radar. I still remember meeting all of them at my dad’s condolence meet but that was probably the last meeting I had with them. A couple of times, I wanted to go and check on them. However, meeting them without dad was too taxing on my mind so didn’t pursue the idea.

People who have lost both their parents have lost an entire generation of their friends. Few of the friends may still be in touch and any interaction with them just revolves around remembering the good times spent with parents. But remembering the childhood times spent with mom and dad and their friends becomes slightly taxing.

Dad was the best career counselor

In my long career span with media, there were times that I would get stuck at a particular point in my job. The reasons were several – Office politics, a difficult boss, or not being able to live up to a challenging assignment. I could only overcome these problems because of the guidance given by dad.

To avoid office politics, he would advise me to avoid toxic friends but without losing the competitive advantage. To deal with difficult bosses, he would suggest understanding the boss’s style of functioning and his expectations. Difficult bosses will behave irrationally but if one can adapt to their style of functioning life will become a bit easier. For a challenging assignment, he would ask me to do more research and also take advice from seniors and peers.

Now in his absence, it’s difficult for me to get unbiased advice, and this is where I miss him like anything.

Mom was the best manager

My mom is not only a great cook but also an excellent manager. The way she used to manage the house in her prime time is something all of us and that includes my sisters try to copy. She would keep an eye on the minutest of the details and was the first one to notice any change in prices of groceries or vegetables. At times I was surprised how would she remember the prices of vegetables. Even a fluctuation of 1 or 2 rupees in the per kilo rate of pyaaz and aloo couldn’t miss her eye. The moment dad was back from the mandi she would take a stock of the vegetables and know if the prices have gone up or not.

Every mom has a unique style of cooking and this is a boon for the entire family. The mutton curry, matar-paneer, dum-aloo, or even the plain arhar ki daal with lehsun ka tadka is something that is deeply enmeshed in my memory. She had set a benchmark so high that in her absence nobody has been able to come close to it. Like a family treasure she passed on the skills to my sisters and my spouse. Today every dish they make has a hint of mom’s recipe.

I am still lucky to have my mom by my side but families who have lost their mom have lost something precious that can never be replaced. Miss you mom and dad! You will always stay alive in my heart.

Click on the following link to read more such stories on my blog:

The caring dad whose shoulders never get tired

The Journey of Life with parents by your side