Air travel is always exciting though airlines are killing it

Air travel is always an exciting moment for an Indian especially if he is flying with his family. Indians who have grown up travelling 2^nd Class sleeper on Indian railways always find air travel an exhilarating one. After all the Airport terminals are much neater and cleaner and the ubiquitous coolie is not there to fleece you. There are no hundreds of passengers sleeping on the platform. Moreover, there is no sarin gas smell coming from the toilets and the railway tracks which makes you go numb.

Air travel, however, is not so exciting for 0.05% of the population who are frequent travellers. Leaving the comfort of their bed early morning is a challenging task. The so-called frequent flyers can be compared to the Indian farmers. They leave their homes early in the morning before dawn to plough their field. The difference being the farmer is responsible for agricultural produce while the frequent flyers for the service and manufacturing sector.

What makes flying so romantic? One of the reasons is that seeing an 80,000-100,000 kg metallic bird flying in the air without flapping its wings is something that still surprises human beings. The comfort of an air-conditioned terminal, the mouth-watering eating joints, and shop till you drop shopping stores makes the entire jingbang an attractive package of air travel.

Boarding from a platform to boarding from a gate

One of the best things to happen to Indian air travel is the low-cost airlines. Airlines like Indigo, Spicejet, Go Air have helped an ordinary Indian to graduate from Indian railways to Indian airlines. But these airlines have also taken away a lot of fun from air travel.

Reaching the Airport: the biggest challenge of air travel

Any air traveller who is flying out of Delhi has to first identify the terminal his flight will leave. There are three terminals identified by a mix of an integer and an alphabet like T3, T2, and 1D. All these three military coded terminals fall under a grand umbrella of the one and only first family of India – Indira Gandhi International Airport.

Travellers, flying out of Bengaluru have to adjust their biological clock to meet the schedule of air travel as the airport is some 50 km from the city. You get out of bed early at 3 am to catch a flight leaving at 7 am. While you may get rid of your sleep that day, your body is not ready to get rid of the waste items so early. For your convenience, the modern-day airports charge you an airport development fee. So feel free to lighten yourself at the airport as you have already paid for the utility. The Mumbai crowd has to go for GPS planning to avoid traffic jams. The plight of Kolkata traveller is no better.

Identify yourself

The biggest use of Aadhar card is not at the banks for opening a new savings account or getting a new gas connection but at the airport for identifying yourself. It’s a harrowing time for the CISF team at the airport to identify the passenger from the picture in the Aadhar card. I am sure if a political party promises citizens to upload a photo-shopped picture of theirs for Aadhar, they will win the next elections especially with huge support from the female electorate.

The Boarding pass

This is where the real struggle of an air traveller starts. If you are not a regular air traveller and if you have not done web check-in, please be sure that you will be allotted only a middle seat. The biggest fun factor of flying i.e. looking out at the clouds from the window seat goes out of the window. You get sandwiched between two unknown people who all are fighting to rest their arms on two armrests which are on a diet plan.

The airline staff sitting behind the check-in counter is more interested in knowing the weight of your baggage. Even an extra kilo over the 15 kg limit attracts extra baggage charges. Airlines have moved away from pampering their passengers to penalising for flying them. Any request from the passenger to overlook the extra baggage weight falls on deaf years. You finally have to shell out extra money and all the savings which you had made by booking the ticket a month in advance goes down the drain.

Before issuing the boarding pass, the airline staff makes an air traveller even more nervous. Sir, I hope you are not carrying any power bank in your checked-in baggage.

The serpentine queue at the security

The moment you get a boarding pass you rush to the security to avoid the traffic jam. But luck has never been on your side. You get stuck in a line and it takes at least 20 minutes to reach the X-ray screening machine. In the name of security you and your hand baggage both have to get undressed. You are asked to lighten yourself by taking out the jacket, belt, wallet, mobile and any other metallic item you are carrying. On the other hand, your hand baggage has to lighten itself. You are asked to take out the laptop from the bag and put it in a separate tray.

Meanwhile, the person standing in front of you delays things further as he forgets to put the wallet on the X-ray machine and is turned back by the security guy.

Boarding the aircraft

You finally board the aircraft. The single-aisle is full of travellers trying to squeeze their obese handbags in the overhead storage. You make your way through the passage and reach your seat. The window seat is occupied by a person who seems to have just returned from Gulf country. You can make out by the gold chains and the Rayban he is wearing. The aisle seat is occupied by a middle-aged person with a thick moustache and a huge belly. You manage to squeeze yourself between both of them.

The flight takes off with the usual drill of flight attendants demonstrating the safety measures. To quench your thirst you are served water in a small paper mug. The days of getting a 200 ml mineral water bottle are over as airlines are trying to quench their thirst for revenue by cost-cutting.

Days of complimentary meals are over in air travel

The low-cost airlines have cut down on serving complimentary meals. Sometimes you wonder how much an airline saves by cutting down on a meal, the real value of which is not even Rs 100. If you serve a meal of one mini parantha, half-a-cup rice, 4 tablespoon dal served with a cup of curd and a bowl of a sweet dish like gajar ka halwa or a shahi toast to one of the guests at home, I am sure he will never visit you again. But airlines want to you to fly them again.

Instead of the complimentary meal which was served once upon a time, you have to buy cold stale brown bread sandwiches, or a 9-month-old pregnant samosa or a cuppa noodles for Rs 250. The beverage is served for Rs 100. If by chance your order a tea then you are served a hot cup of water with a magic masala tea sachet mixed to it. You wonder how life will be so much easier at home if you can get these tea sachets as you won’t have to order/beg your wife to make it for you.

Toilet Ek pain Katha during air travel

Ladies want to use the washroom for refreshing their looks while the gents use it to lighten themselves. In days of Swachh Bharat when our authorities are on a toilet building spree, you sometimes wonder that how an economy class in an aircraft has only 2-3 washrooms. The airlines probably want that passengers should pee at home and hold on till they reach the destination. After an hour in flight, loo’s become the most frequently visited place.

You take a leak and close your eyes dreaming about the good old days of flying when flying an airline was so much fun.

Read more such fun stories on my blog. Click on the link below:

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